Kevin Hart showed up to a working farm in a sleeveless flannel and overalls, ready to convince Jennifer Garner that agriculture is a legitimate workout. Hart had cut the sleeves off the flannel himself, as he explained to anyone who would listen, ‘mainly because I have amazing arms and I felt that they should be on display for what we’re about to do today.’ That logic set the tone for everything that followed. Farming, it turns out, is genuinely hard work, and nobody in this particular field was more surprised by that than Hart.
From broad forks to a very nervous first shearing
The pair arrived to meet a farmer who went by Farmer One, received a firm farm handshake, and were immediately handed a broad fork to aerate the soil. Hart treated it like a stair-master with attitude, squatting and pushing while Garner worked steadily beside him. A camera operator was instructed, with some urgency, to capture Garner’s technique as the clear benchmark. Hart was impressed enough to acknowledge that Garner is ‘one of those people that don’t give up,’ which he delivered as a compliment while still trailing noticeably behind her output.
The sheep shearing station was where things got complicated. Garner took the first pass with the clippers, gripping them carefully while Hart coached her with the focus of a man who once watched someone else shear a sheep. He claimed, with the confidence of a Philadelphia native, that he and a friend named Brody had once found a sheep in the city and ‘gave him a fade.’ Whether that is true is not the point. The point is that Hart spent the shearing session talking so much that he eventually announced, unprompted, that he would have been ‘the barber that never got done’ because of how much he talks. He then attempted to give the sheep a part and a small fro before declaring it the cool sheep.
Celebrity beef steak tomatoes and one very fresh egg
The tomato row introduced a variety called Celebrity Beef Steak, which Hart seized on immediately. He picked one and named it Sylvester Stallone. Garner found Angelina Jolie, identifiable, Hart noted, because the lips were sticking out. A large, lumpy one became Dwayne Johnson. When Garner bit directly into a tomato she had just pulled from the vine, Hart was scandalized. She handed him a piece anyway. ‘That is a really good tomato,’ he said, and then realized what he had done: ‘I just killed Morgan Freeman. That’s cannibalism.’
The chicken coop closed the physical portion of the day. Hart retrieved an egg that he immediately described as still looking wet, asking the farmer whether it was ‘fresh out the caboose.’ He put it in the bucket anyway. Nobody washed their hands immediately afterward, a decision Hart began regretting within minutes.
The moment Hart started suspecting salmonella
At a tasting station, the group tried Once Upon a Farm squeezable apple sauce, with Garner revealed as one of the co-founders. Hart squeezed some into his mouth, said it was good, and then quietly disclosed that something had gone wrong internally and that he may or may not have accidentally licked his hand near the chickens. He announced a doctor’s appointment would be booked immediately after filming wrapped.
The overalls, he confirmed at the end, were finished. Not retired for the season. Finished.
At the end of the day, the broad fork leaned against a fence post, caked in soil from Hart’s grudging squats, neither clean nor fully where it started.
Hart hugged Garner at the gate, immediately asked where the hand sanitizer was, and did not wait for an answer before going to find it himself. ‘I’ve never wanted to wash myself more,’ he said, and for once, Jennifer Garner did not correct him.
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