At Oua Point inside the Grand Canyon, Ryan Trahan ate what he called the first Joy Ride cherry berry rope ever consumed at that particular lookout, held it up in a cheers with Haley, and said quietly: ‘This is the most marvelous thing I have ever seen.’ That moment, cherry candy at the edge of one of the natural wonders of the world, captures exactly what this ten-day, ten-attraction sprint across America kept producing: small human details landing inside enormous places. The question driving the whole trip was simple and genuinely uncertain. Of all the places Americans and visitors flock to every year, which one is actually worth it? Trahan and Haley set out to answer it the only way that counts, by showing up at all of them, in order, and writing the verdict in a handmade scrapbook.
The countdown that kept reshuffling itself
The trip opened at Disney World in Orlando, and the ambition was immediate. One day across four parks: Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Animal Kingdom, and Hollywood Studios. Space Mountain left Trahan visibly unwell (‘I don’t feel so good’). The Guardians of the Galaxy ride at Epcot did the same thing, only worse, though the photo it produced made the scrapbook. The Kilimanjaro Safari at Animal Kingdom landed differently. The safari is large enough, a guide explained, that the entirety of Magic Kingdom could fit inside it. Zebras, gorillas, hippos, and a Nile crocodile posted up in a swamp later, Haley summed it up plainly: ‘That was insane.’ Dinner at the Sci-Fi Dine-In Theater, cheeseburgers and a shared Oreo milkshake, closed the day before fireworks pushed Disney World into first place on the provisional list.
Washington DC arrived next, with a bike guide named Jeff leading the pair through the National Mall in an actual rainstorm. They made it to the Lincoln Memorial soaking wet, and Trahan found himself getting emotional in front of the Gettysburg Address. Jeff pointed out that the reflecting pool was being cleaned mid-visit, which is the kind of detail that only a good guide notices. Lunch was at Ben’s Chili Bowl, where a chance conversation with Virginia, the 92-year-old mother of Ben Jr., turned a half smoke into something worth remembering. DC landed in second place.
Niagara Falls hit third. The Cave of the Winds tour sent the pair 175 feet down by elevator to stand next to what a pre-show narrator described as 60,000 tons of water, a figure that sounds made-up until the mist is hitting your face. A stranger they met near the falls warned them unprompted: ‘The ponchos are for the seagulls, not for the water.’ The light show that evening ran every night, apparently without fail.
New York City took first place the moment Hamilton ended. Trahan had gotten a caricature done in Times Square for 60 dollars, paid 21 dollars for two hot dogs, and tipped Shrek and another street character 40 dollars combined. Haley cried during Hamilton. Trahan cried during Hamilton. ‘I am changed after seeing that,’ Haley said walking out of the theater. The hotel ranking that night: number one.
Where nature started winning the argument
Yellowstone reshuffled everything. The pair arrived as the first customers of the season at Terrace Grill, a fact the staff confirmed with visible excitement. Bison blocked the road near Grand Prismatic Spring. The spring itself, bigger than a football field and sitting at 190 degrees, gets its rainbow rings from bacteria, which Trahan found both disgusting and astonishing in equal measure. Old Faithful erupted on schedule after a crowd had gathered in patient, almost reverent silence. Yellowstone went into the scrapbook at number two.
Las Vegas followed, ranked last. The Sphere was genuinely mind-bending, a new Wizard of Oz cut with wind machines and leaves falling on the audience, and the Tournament of Kings dinner show at the Excalibur produced real team loyalty for the country of Hungary. But the Bellagio Fountain show was cancelled mid-wait, and the overall vibe landed below the bar the earlier stops had set.
The Golden Gate Bridge came in third, carried largely by the drive north from Carmel in a rented convertible with the top down at sunset, McNuggets eaten cold at a lookout point above the bridge, and a parking spot that Trahan described as probably the best in the world. Los Angeles ranked sixth after a full day covering Santa Monica Pier, the Hollywood Sign, and a Dodgers game where Shohei Ohtani scored a run and a stadium vendor had absolutely no idea he had just made two tourists’ entire week.
The Grand Canyon was always going to be different. The Oua Trail hike took 29 minutes down and considerably longer up, in shoes that were not built for it, past mules, a squirrel that followed them to the lookout, and terrain that Trahan kept describing as the craziest thing he had ever seen in his life. The sunset from the rim that evening, with ice cream and hoodies against the desert cold, produced photos that, in Trahan’s words, he and Haley will treasure for the rest of their lives. Grand Canyon: number one.
Red Rocks Amphitheater closed the trip at number seven, a Lewis Capaldi concert in the rain that was exactly as good as it sounds, which is to say very good, just not Grand Canyon good.
A scrapbook open on the hotel bed
Somewhere in a Colorado hotel room after the concert, a handmade scrapbook sat open with ten rankings filled in and photos from ten states tucked between its pages.
The final list read: Grand Canyon at one, Yellowstone at two, Niagara Falls at three, Golden Gate Bridge at three, Disney World at five, Los Angeles at six, Red Rocks at seven, with New York City having held first place for several days before being displaced by a canyon in Arizona that looked, from the right angle, exactly like art.
