Cody Jones lined up a free kick against 50 children and looked, briefly, like he might not survive it. The kids were swarming, the dudes were outnumbered, and the only thing standing between Dude Perfect and total humiliation was a single goal requirement. That one small ask turned out to be the hardest thing in youth sports. The group had entered a five-round gauntlet against progressively older kids, competing for McDonald’s World Cup collectible cups and red cards to use against a fully professional FC Dallas squad in the finale. For every kid who participated, McDonald’s had promised tickets to a World Cup game. All the dudes had to do was score once against the pros.
Five rounds, four collectible cups, and a hip flexor casualty
The opening round against 50 kids established the tone immediately. There were children everywhere, the dudes could not hold the ball, and the margin for chaos was essentially infinite. Cody eventually converted a free kick to claim round one and earn both the first collectible cup and a red card. Round two brought a penalty shootout against two 10-year-olds named Liam and Eli, who played with the intensity of professional assassins. Sudden death followed. Tyler ultimately converted to clinch it, and the Ronaldinho-themed cup went to the dudes alongside another red card.
Round three, corner kicks against Fred and Luke, went sideways fast. The dudes fell behind three goals to nothing before Tyler pulled two back, but Fred and Luke closed it out. No Beckham cup. No cards. Round four was a punt-pass-kick relay against 14-year-olds, decided by fractions of a second. The dudes posted a time of 12.2, and goalkeeper Jackson delivered a game-saving stop on the 14-year-olds’ final attempt to preserve it. Round five, soccer dodgeball against the U8s of FC Dallas, ended in swift elimination. The dudes walked away from that one without a red card and, as Cory put it plainly, not playing again.
When red cards and ringers both run out
Heading into the finale with three red cards, the dudes thinned the FC Dallas starting squad to four professional players and still could not score. Passes went into the parking lot. Runs ended in clean tackles. Cody received a yellow card for an incident that appeared to involve him kicking a professional footballer. Garrett was subbed out for Cody in round three’s corner kick challenge, and both Jackson the 14-year-old goalkeeper and several of the kids from earlier rounds were eventually brought onto the field to help. Luke, the 10-year-old from the Beckham round, got a run down the flank. Fred got a touch near goal.
With the professional team reduced to two players against a combined force of dudes and borrowed kids, Cody finally found the net. The celebration was immediate and completely disproportionate, which, given the circumstances, felt exactly right. As Tyler had told the kids before the match: ‘We have to score a goal. Do you think we can do it?’
The moment Fred got a touch near the goal
Fred, the 10-year-old who had spent round three scoring three corner kicks and telling the dudes he had put more in the wrong holes than they had put in any, was standing somewhere near the FC Dallas goal in the final minutes, involved in an actual scoring push against a professional football club.
Every kid who participated in the whole afternoon, from the original swarm of 50 to Liam and Eli and Fred and Luke and the FC Dallas U8s, was headed to a World Cup game.
