Rhett McLaughlin walked past the towering animatronic tail at the entrance to Jurassic World, stopped, and announced he could touch it. His co-host Link Neal told him not to. They had one mission at Universal Studios that day: ride Jurassic World, the water ride, as many times as humanly possible, just to see what would happen. For anyone who has ever wondered whether a theme park attraction can outlast human patience, the answer turned out to be more complicated than either of them expected.
The pair started in the back row, mostly dry except for Link’s immediate complaint about water shifting down the bench and wetting ‘both sides of the crack.’ From the first descent they established a running vocabulary for the ride’s hydration zones: the misting gleak, the sternum smattering, and the deeply personal crotch situation. Rhett, operating with what he described as a brace-the-back-every-drop strategy, emerged from early rides with two symmetrical wet circles on his jeans. Link’s right knee became the ride’s unofficial data point, declared the wettest it had ever been in recorded history by ride four.
Row one, front left, and a running debate about BDH
They rotated seats methodically, testing which row produced the worst soaking. Row one, front left, delivered ‘headwater’ and a direct dinosaur spit into Link’s open mouth on what he estimated was ride six, teaching him permanently to keep his lips pressed together through the finale. Bryce Dallas Howard’s in-ride appearance became a recurring subject: enthusiastically received early, then carefully monitored for diminishing emotional returns. By mid-afternoon Link reported she was ‘coming on real strong’ but admitted her effect was fading slightly. Rhett had no such concerns about security guard Trevor, whom he assessed with an admiration that went unrequited.
A food break at the park’s Nintendo-themed restaurant interrupted the wet streak. They worked through a Mario Burger, a Luigi chicken sandwich that sparked a genuine argument about whether a chicken sandwich qualifies as a burger, a meatball described as simply ‘a big meatball,’ a puff pastry with a mustache detail, and a princess cupcake that Rhett consumed in cross-section with what he called ‘too much gusto.’ Link declared it non-negotiable: ‘You need the sugar.’ The bamboo forks, he noted approvingly, were good for the environment, dot dot dot.
An Optimus Prime endorsement and a commemorative shirt
The afternoon produced an unexpected detour when Optimus Prime, the Transformers character stationed elsewhere in the park, recognized both of them by name and by beard. Rhett asked if the robot could roast Link. Optimus Prime considered the footage available to him and concluded that ‘Link roasts himself pretty well.’ Rhett thanked the transformer for ‘literally keeping YouTube alive.’ They rolled out.
For the final ride, Rhett arranged a surprise: a custom t-shirt printed with their photo from the very first ride of the day. The plan was to wear the shirt on the last ride, photograph that, and theoretically repeat the process into infinity. Link pointed out this logic could loop forever. Rhett said yes. They went over the drop one more time.
The wet bench at the exit queue
A damp wooden bench at the ride’s exit, still holding the accumulated water from a full day of throughput, sat empty between runs.
By the time they said goodbye to the baby raptors fighting over a bucket hat, to the eyeless stegosaurus they had named No Eyes, and to Bryce Dallas Howard one final time, Link had been baptized, Rhett had flexed his core more than he cared to count, and both of them were operating on princess cupcake sugar and the particular exhaustion of a day spent entirely sitting down going nowhere fast. A family from the Florida Universal Studios location appeared to remind them there was a second park. Rhett’s response was immediate: go there, and do it again and again and again.
